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I'm going to paris in 2 weeks. I might meet my cousin there!I'm excited for that.i haven't seen him in 4 years.
Then I'm going to milan for a few days to see my other cousin,then will be in rome for 2 days then back home.
paris was always my dream city,I've read sooooooooo many french story when I was younger,it's like one of my dreams is coming true.



I'm back home!! I'm feeling good right now.
life is chaos but its good...


TOMORROW im goning back HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nov. 1st, 2013

okkk told my mom that i didnt win the scolarshi.ANDDD i didnt!!!!
time to plan some trips!
 Milan ,Venice then Paris!


I don't know what is this feeling, I feel that something is stuck in my throat , I'm shaking,feeling cold,have tears in my eyes .I can't control it and all I can do is biting my lips snd blinking rapidly...
Shit shit shit .
this feeling is coming and going for like 20 minutes right now.
I know that I can't control it ,I can only manage to keep up the appearance because I'm in public!!!
but writing about it helps.
its good to feel that I'm not alone when I'm surrounded by people that I dont feel close to.
That's one of the reason that I dont want to stay here. Since I came here I had these feeling.and sometimes I had to put my head between my head and breath deeply to come back to normal.
That's one of the reason that I want.to go back home!!!
I cant wait fot that day!!

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Oct. 19th, 2013

i am a bad person!i'm prying to God that i dont win the scholarship!!!!!!
if i dont win it i decided to go and visit France,Spain,Greece,Germany and maybe Switzerland!


wow its been such a long time since i wrote something here.its all tumblr's fault ,i found some awesome blogs there to read and using tumblr's was easier than live journal.
but now im in ROME!!!!

can you believe it????i came here to study archaeology.
to be honest i just came here because i wanted to experience some thing different and visit Europe seriously it is still my main goal.

i discovered something about myself...I'm not really a person to work with others ,i like to work from home,i don't know any job that can be done from my house, i don't know how can someone find a job like that!!
i had a job and i was miserable,i didn't  feel good about it, i wasn't happy or productive,so when i came to some money and one of my friends told me about how i could get in one of the Italian's university i decided to make a decision mainly it was because i wanted a way to get out of my job and i couldn't find another way!!

the worst part is i KNOW that i have all these amazing chances and opportunity but I'm throwing them all away,I KNOW THAT,but these are not my decision or i want a chance to make a mistake and learn from it!what i want is a quite life with no chaos ,just a normal every day life.

what i really want from my life is to stay in Italy for 2 months then go to Paris,Madrid and Berlin and maybe Switzerland then go back to iran and live there.AND  I want to find out more about the process of adoption .
i only know that single women can adopt if they are over 30 so i have to search more because i really really wanna have a baby...
didn't i say that im asexual???????

i have money in bank,its not like a lot ,but its way more than my last salary and i could live with that money for a long time.
if i don't get scholarship i will seriously consider going back because I'm not gonna spend all of my money on rent,and finding a job in another country is hard enough when you still don't know the language,and I'm not gonna stay here after i finish my studies to work in a low paid job just because i want to live in Italy!!

im tired of pretending to be happy but i dont have the courage to tell others.
i will try to keep up with my journal now .i missed it.



for me love is not always about sex you can love someone sooooooo much that you are willing to die for them ,but you may not be physically attracted to them.

Sherlock is someone who is not sexually attracted to anyone he is not even emotionally connected to people ,but after john Watson came to his life he is learning to somehow care as much as he can,like the way he protected Mrs.Hudson,or the way he apologized for making fun of Molly Hooper -it was unintentional in my opinion- or the way he deeply care for john.

i cant ship john and Sherlock as a couple or Sherlock and Irene Adler,Sherlock and Moriarty-these two actors have so much chemistry- not in sexual way.

cause he is not a sexual person he doesn’t have these needs that others have he is not like others he is above all of that.

but the most interesting part is john ‘s feeling for him,he is in constant denial cause he doesn’t want others to think they are a couple.

but only one person who was in love with Sherlock could understand him ,yes he is not gay but it doesn’t mean he cant be in love with Sherlock just like Irene who is gay but in love with him.

its love that make him jealous of Irene Adler,or hurt cause Sherlock told him he doesn’t have any friend ,or in denial cause he is the only one who didn’t believe that Sherlock could lie to him.

its love that makes him say these:”there is one more thing,one more miracle for me,don’t be dead .would you do that just for me?just stop it.”


between glee s2ep22 and s3ep09

its been a long time since i'veposted anything here .last time i was so sad and down didnt know what to do with my life had so much guilt that i couldnt deal with it.months passed i started to take control on my life again ,first i started by going to english classes i finished them last month and iam ready for my super advance class.
second i concentrate on studying for m.a and the major was phscology for children after 2 months there was a job offer for me and now iam working 7.30 to 4 everyday this job isn't based on my b.a major but because i know how to use a computer and my english is good i got hired and i've kinda love my job ,granted iam not doing so much right know because first i have to figure out everything bu upside is i'am not sad anymore it seems like i have a purpose a future and i'm very glad to say this i'm HAPPY. wow never thought i would say that anytime soon but life is pretty good right now ,i have my series that i love-supernatural,glee,american horror story this one is my new obsession- i have my firends i enjoy reading others blogs and go out and its like nothing has changed. i just dont feel guilty anymore.
i always thought that american people were very touchy feely when it came to acceptance from their family but now that i know that my mom is happy and proud of me just because iam not wasting my time anymore ,it fills me with great joy now i will never ever make fun of others feeling.
love ghasedak...